Sunday, February 9, 2020

Look at all the expectations we set up for our relationships (quote and link to article from Esther Perel)

This blog post by Esther Perel is so good:

"This year, I’ve made it a point to take notes at any weddings I attend about the marital vow. I think this single speech is so reflective of the way our expanding expectations have gotten out of control. Here I offer you a poignant, if exaggerated, example of how these typically go:

“I promise that I will always be there for you, honest with you, kind, patient and forgiving. For you are my lover and my teacher and I honor the divinity in you,” says the groom, with an uncharacteristic quiver in his voice. “I promise to be your greatest fan and your toughest adversary, your partner in crime, and your consolation in disappointment,” responds his bride, in almost perfect cadence. With unquestionable sincerity, he continues, “I promise to tell you everything, to have no secrets except those we share.” ...

"This litany of expectations is a grand setup for failure....These expectations are extremely difficult for us to provide to one another because they are contradictory, or even in some cases incompatible...." Esther Perel on Why Modern Love is So Damn Hard