Saturday, March 23, 2019

How to manage anxiety, worry, nervousness and fear


Nervousness, anxiety, and worry not only have similar roots but similar strategies for coping. Some anxiety is situational, like the nervousness you'd feel speaking in front of a crowd while other anxiety may be worrying about a situation that may unfold. We can worry about what might be. (Whether or not it will happen.)
“I've had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.” ― Mark Twain
I also think some anxiety comes from a fast-moving brain that wants to do much but can get overwhelmed either by the amount of things to do, how to start, or just being overloaded (with stimulation, decisions,  or more).

Some of what helps is to just realize that.

Just like we would realize we can't eat 10 hamburgers (probably after trying and unhappily throwing them up) just recognizing overload can help.

All our lives we strive to exceed our limitations but mental overload is not that different than physical. We know we have to work up to five hamburgers first or running five miles or whatever, and it's the same way with building tolerance in the brain.

Helpful tips for managing anxiety:

Know what you need

This sounds simple but it's huge. Knowing how much sleep, downtime, social time, food, water, fun, friends, love, etc. will help you not put yourself in situations that will push you to your limits.

We get info about what we need based on what we notice when we try things out.

Say you try pulling an all-nighter, you may quickly learn whether that works for you by the way you feel when it's happening and afterwards. Our experiences constantly give us information about what we need.

Following an internal compass rather than outside pressure (which can appear from friends, family, groups, work, teams, church or temple, or even society and culture) can help us stay true to our needs even when it seemingly conflicts with external expectations.

TLC is a great antidote to anxiety. Take care of your body the way you would care for a beloved pet. Make sure it has what it needs: exercise, love, nutritious food, enough water, etc.

How you take care of yourself may differ from how other people take care of themselves (or don't). It can be tempting to adjust based on what others are doing (for example, staying up as late as friends) but if you stay plugged into the way it made you feel, you'll get great feedback on what works and what doesn't.

Every time something stresses you out, think about what might have offset it. Deconstructing an experience after the fact can help you prepare for next time. Sometimes little things make a big difference. I used to forget to drink water until I was dying of thirst. Now I keep a case of water bottles by the front door so I remember to grab one on my way out and I always carry one in my backpack.

Don't push anxiety away

Research and MRI brain scans show that if you acknowledge emotions like anxiety, especially in a particular way (which I'll mention in a second) that it takes things down a notch.

The reason for this is that anxiety is trying to be your friend.

It is a part of your brain that cares very much about you saying "something here is going to be bad for me."

If you ignore it, this part gets super nervous and amps up the message since it thinks you haven't heard it. So it will end up shouting or exploding.

(All emotions are like this by the way, they are all messages from a part of yourself trying to protect you and the feelings get super intense if they don't realize you're listening.)

Research has found that if you say to yourself, "I can see a part of me is feeling really anxious right now," things do soften slightly. They don't go away just then, but now it knows you are aware.

Then, let it surge through you without resisting it. Feel it, even though it's awful. Emotions are like waves. If you're in the ocean and a wave crashes over you, it becomes more of a struggle if you fight it. Let it wash over you. Watch it as if you're watching a movie. It will dissipate much more quickly than if you resist it. Once it dissipates you can deal with it.

This can help if you have an overwhelming feeling you really don't want right at that minute. Let it be a tidal wave and crash over you. It will be awful right that second but it WILL pass and do so that much more quickly.

Self-talk matters

If you're feeling anxious, say something soothing to the anxious part. Usually people hate feeling this way so it's easy to berate ourselves and say, "what's wrong with me!"

But the way you talk to yourself does matter, that part is listening.

Send the same message of kindness you'd say to a friend. 

Have a whole dialogue. Say to yourself, "It's okay, this is confusing and overwhelming, no wonder it's awful! But I got your back."

You don't even have to know how you'll handle it to say this.

You got someone's back when you care about them, not because you can fix whatever's wrong for them. You can have your own "back" by being easy on yourself and offering as much TLC you notice you need.

Build tolerance 

A lot of anxiety is not having confidence that whatever it is can be dealt with. The brain is just trying to protect you but you probably are more resourceful and resilient than you realize. Remind yourself you've landed on your feet before.

Much of anxiety management is building tolerance. We get really good at things we do a lot so as you tolerate it through these methods, your muscle for discomfort will grow.

Harness the parasympathetic nervous system

There's a reason so much advice about anxiety and meditation tells us to breathe deeply. Deep breathing is actually a physical switch which forces your body to produce relaxation hormones.

It usually takes about 17 minutes to flush anxiety hormones like cortisol and adrenaline from the body so you have to breath deeply for at least a few minutes (ideally 17) before you start to notice it helping. If your heart is racing, you can breathe so deeply and slowly that you count while breathing in and out to give yourself something else to focus on. Pick a comfortable rhythm and slowly breathe in and out.

Know that right now, in this exact second while you're breathing, nothing is actually really wrong.

You're not on fire, falling off a cliff or anything life-threatening, so you can take a tiny vacation in the exact moment of now and just breathe.

Other things that help flush anxiety hormones are exercise, shaking it out (that's what animals do) or movement of any kind.

If you can't exercise you can try clenching the largest muscles in your body, the thigh muscles. When muscles are active, they absorb stress hormones from the bloodstream, helping flush them from the system. You can go into a bathroom stall and hang out in a deep knee bend and that will help.

Keep perspective

Almost no issue is unsolvable. Anxiety is often caused by the idea that the stakes are really high, that whatever goes wrong will mean everything is ruined. This is rarely true. The reality is that almost everything can be solved or dealt with. It may cost money or time or need reframing or brainstorming but most problems are not usually unfixable or unworkable.

Get more info

Studies show that getting more information can move people into "action" mode which is reassuring. Many times what's making us anxious is not knowing enough. The more we know, the more we can strategize.

Distraction can help

Distraction can reduce anxiety. The reason is that the brain does not actually multitask well. If you turn your focus to something else, it will not be able to hold intensely onto the anxiety at the same time. Look for images of dogs or sunsets or something beautiful. Read something, braid your hair, try drawing a tree, watch a video, anything that requires your own attention.

This can help the emotion die down enough so that you can think about whatever's making you anxious when more calm so you can start strategizing, if the anxiety is a message of action from some internal part. It's much easier to listen to what it's telling you if it's not screaming. :)

Meditate

Meditation is not just trying to clear your mind. (That's a fallacy.)

Meditation can be anything your brain is so absorbed in that you are fully present and focused.

You can listen to a song and let it take you away. Or brush your teeth in such a way that you're completely aware of the sensation the bristles make on your gums. You can walk slowly, feeling each tendon in your foot flex while observing the bottom of your feet making contact with the floor.

Any activity (or non-activity) will work, even if you're just lying there noticing your body or thoughts. The key is to notice what you see and feel with curiosity and keep noticing as you sense more and more about the experience. When you get distracted from what you're experiencing, redirect your focus back to the present. The redirection itself is part of meditating.

Research shows as little as 90 seconds has observable changes in the brain. But even better if you can do at least 5 minutes or 7 minutes or longer.

You can also prep in advance to have tools ready. Make a playlist on your phone that you can resort to when feeling anxious. Or keep something handy that pulls you out of your head and into the experience, like a favorite stone or book of quotes or photos, or sing a tune.

Clean & organize

Science shows that clutter can actually give you anxiety. Straighten up regularly at a low level so it doesn't build up and become overwhelming. Or set a timer to make headway in increments. You can get a lot more done in 15 minutes than you might think.

It's part of being human

Being a deep person means feeling things intensely, good and bad. Having depth is a gift, although it won't feel like it when things are surging. But it will become more manageable over time as you build tolerance.

We are all always managing how we feel so it's a constant practice.

I think that is part of being alive.